On the unthinkable.

1

The mayor of Hudson, Ohio demanded that the members of the local school board members resign because high schoolers cannot write about sex, beer, or death.

To write about something requires us to consider it — to think about it — and to think about a thing involves a certain level of epistemological commitment.

Source: Harper’s Magazine

2

Many things are unthinkable, or difficult to consider.

When I think of the book one doesn't want to write, I think of Emily Rapp's memoir, The Still Point of the Turning World, about her son, Ronan, who was born with Tay-Sachs. The book journeys through the "terra incognita" of raising a child to die. From the beginning, Rapp centers the presence of death in their lives--she tells people her baby is dying. The presence of dying in the verb to be.

The death of a mother giving birth to a child: Rapp considers this while studying death as it draws closer to the life of her son.

Can we speak a death into existence?

Is manifestation an actual power or a means of self-soothing?

Mary Shelley Godwin's mother died while giving birth to her. Was there any relationship between her mother's death and 18-year-old Mary Shelley’s habit of reading ghost stories with her friends and then challenging each other to write their worst?

They sat with the dead and wrote. Mary's lover, Percy Bysse Shelley, Lord Byron, and his pregnant lover, Claire, were fascinated by recent attempts to "animate" dead matter. Mary's story was published the following year, 1818, anonymously. Was she trying to animate the mother she lost?

Maybe we are all writing to animate dead matter.

3

The line between memoir and fiction is so tenuous when it comes to dying or remembering. When asked about memorable images, Jorge Luis Borges remembered the tigers in illustrated versions of childhood encyclopedias better than “the eyes or the smile of a woman.”

4

A nest is a space we dream of returning to.

An empty nest is space that wants someone to return to it.

“Values alter facts,” wrote Gaston Bachelard. “The moment we love an image, it cannot remain the copy of a fact.”

There is the loss of a child, and then there is its aftermath.

5

Ralph Waldo Emerson grieved his son’s death in patches, across decades, through pages. The harrow in his tone is made conspicuous by his efforts to hold it back. There is a passage in “Experience” where Emerson attempts to qualify grief, to send a boundary on it, and something in me always breaks when I read it.

How shaky the ground he trods here. How wobbly his footsteps.

Here is the passage (adding my own italics):

The only thing grief has taught me is to know how shallow it is. That, like all the rest, plays about the surface, and never introduces me into the reality, for contact with which we would even pay the costly price of sons and lovers. Was it Boscovich who found out that bodies never come in contact? Well, souls never touch their objects. An innavigable sea washes with silent waves between us and the things we aim at and converse with. Grief too will make us idealists. In the death of my son, now more than two years ago, I seem to have lost a beautiful estate, —no more. I cannot get it nearer to me. If to-morrow I should be informed of the bankruptcy of my principal debtors, the loss of my property would be a great inconvenience to me, perhaps, for many years; but it would leave me as it found me, —neither better nor worse. So is it with this calamity: it does not touch me; something which I fancied was a part of me, which could not be torn away without tearing me nor enlarged without enriching me, falls off from me and leaves no scar. It was caducous. I grieve that grief can teach me nothing, nor carry me one step into real nature. The Indian who was laid under a curse that the wind should not blow on him, nor water flow to him, nor fire burn him, is a type of us all. The dearest events are summer-rain, and we the para-coats that shed every drop. Nothing is left us now but death. We look to that with a grim satisfaction, saying, There at least is reality that will not dodge us.

I take this evanescence and lubricity of all objects, which lets them slip through our fingers then when we clutch hardest, to be the most unhandsome part of our condition. Nature does not like to be observed, and likes that we should be her fools and playmates. We may have the sphere for our cricket-ball, but not a berry for our philosophy. Direct strokes she never gave us power to make; all our blows glance, all our hits are accidents. Our relations to each other are oblique and casual.

Grief does not teach — it simply lays claims which cannot be evidenced or substantiated — it throws us back upon eternity without leaving a recognizable notch in it.

6

In the space where Emerson declares "the evanescence and lubricity of all objects, which lets them slip through our fingers then when we clutch hardest” to be "the most unhandsome part of our condition”, I met Stanley Cavell.

Or, I met Cavell’s own obsession, for this is the terrain to which Cavell returned in Emerson, again and again.

One of the few things I remember from my 21st year of life is Stanley Cavell’s Conditions Handsome and Unhandsome: The Constitution of Emersonian Perfectionism. I know there were lakes, road trips, bagels with herring, walks in the cemetery with philosophy friends, a fiancee, two cats, two fifty gallon saltwater fishtanks— but Cavell is the part I remember most vividly.

Cavell was the text. And then he was the film. And then he was the next text, the one sitting to the left of Wittgenstein’s Tractautus. And then somewhere near Wittgeinstein’s Philosophical Investigations.

But Conditions came first. Conditions and the handful of other humans who met me in thinking through its words.

7

The conditions for speech are different than those of aesthetics. But thought is the way through a life.

Thoughtlessness is what a human can share with a red balloon.

I’m not interested in the Ohio mayor’s opinion on whether teenagers should be allowed to think through the most difficult, unspeakable, and humbling parts of human life. I am interested in how, and under what circumstances, we are encouraged to think — and what sort of thought is socialized in American high schools.

Problem-solving is a way of approaching a statement with an eye to lessening its claim on the mind. But a problem-solving approach doesn’t always require thinking; we approach the day’s tiny slights and bana; disturbances without falling deep into thought. Habit can get us across a street. Habit can regurgitate and recite. Reciting the pledge of allegiance is a habitual regurgitation. As is any anthem or ritual.

8

“I don’t think when I perform a difficult piece on the piano,” M. said tonight. “If I think, I lose my place— I lose my bearings in the flow. Performing is a strange alchemy of muscle memories, mathematics, and riding one’s nerve. You never know if the thought of someone’s feelings will rip you out of it. I think of nothing outside the music, and there are no words for how the mind operates when I am completely caught up in it.”

Is writing like this? I don’t know.

There are notes scribbled in pencil all over M.’s sheet music. He guards his notations, his marginalia, as one would guard a secret.

Composer Anton Rubinstein had his music seized at the border because Russian officials thought its notes were a kind of revolutionary code. Under the Tsar, if one signed a letter of love, it shouldn't imply insubordination to one's First Love for God or the Tsar. What Mikhail Bakunin called the Black Beast (the Russian empire’s combination of church and state) dragged Russia along behind them in a yoke. The Tsar's coronation was literally a sacrament equal to those services accompanying baptism, marriage, and extreme unction.

At 17, Arthur Rubenstein appeared at Scriabin's door and offered himself as an acolyte. He would be the first to introduce Scriabin's Fifth Piano Sonata to Londoners.

In Nexus, Henry Miller extols Scriabin as a divinity, a holy distraction from the world. 

Scriabin's Sonatas use Italian for the general tempo markings and French for the intimate particulars. I am writing a novel about this.

“That is why I acquired a taste for misanthropy; why I nurtured hypochondria; why I became the most (leaden-like) miserable of men,” wrote Erik Satie in 1924. “It distressed people to look at me — even through hall-marked gold eye-glasses. Oh yes.”

Oh yes.

9

Here’s a small excerpt from my imaginary version of 642 Things to Write About for high school students. There are no questions or puzzles to resolve. There is a human, a pen, a notebook, a rephrasing of the statement or argument followed by a response to it.

The response cannot be anything except one’s own.

There is no correct answer. There is no grade or score. There are only thoughts to be thunk, and unspeakable things to consider, closely. More closely. Again and again, and more.

Albert Camus: “The only fundamental philosopical question is suicide. Judging whether life is or is not worth living amounts to answering the fundamental question of philosophy. All the rest – whether or not the world has three dimensions, whether the mind has nine or twelve categories –comes afterwards.”

Stanley Cavell: “Death, so caused, may be mysterious, but what founds these lives is clear enough: the capacity to love, the strength to found a life upon a love. That the love becomes incompatible with that life is tragic, but that it is maintained until the end is heroic. People capable of such love could have removed mountains; instead it has caved in upon them. One moral of such events is obvious: if you would avoid tragedy, avoid love; if you cannot avoid love, avoid integrity; if you cannot avoid integrity, avoid the world; if you cannot avoid the world, destroy it.”

Theodor Adorno: "On Popular Music".

Gaston Bachelard: “So there is also an alas in the song of tenderness. If we return to the old house as to a nest, it is because memories are dreams, because the home of other days has become a great image of lost intimacy.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson: “I think that philosophy is still rude and elementary. It will one day be taught by poets. The poet is in the natural attitude; he is believing; the philosopher, after some struggle, having only reasons for believing…The poet sees wholes and avoids analysis; the metaphysician, dealing… with the mathematics of the mind, puts himself out of the way of inspiration; loses that which is the miracle and creates the worship.”

Stanley Cavell: “What I require is a convening of my culture's criteria, in order to confront them with my words and life as I pursue them; and at the same time to confront my words and life as I pursue them with the life my culture's words may imagine for me: to confront the culture with itself, along the lines in which it meets me.”

David Nowell-Smith: "The Art of the Fugue: Heidegger on Rhythm".

Douglas Shadle: "Classical Music and the Color Line".

Igor Stravinsky: “If one only need break a habit to merit being labeled revolutionary, then every musician who has something to say and who in order to say it goes beyond the bounds of established convention would be known as revolutionary. [...] The quality of being revolutionary is generally attributed to artists in our day with a laudatory intent, undoubtedly because we are living in a period when revolution enjoys a kind of prestige among yesterday's elite. Let us understand each other: I am the first to recognize that daring is the motive force of the finest and greatest acts; which is all the more reason for not putting it unthinkingly at the service of disorder and base cravings in a desire to cause sensation at any price. I approve of daring; I set no limits to it. But likewise there are no limits to the mischief wrought by arbitrary acts.”

Charles Baudelaire: "It is evident that rhetorics and prosodies are not arbitrarily invented tyrannies, but a collection of rules demanded by the very organization of the spiritual being, and never have prosodies and rhetorics kept originality from full manifesting itself. The contrary, that is to say, that they have aided the flowering of originality, would be infinitely more true."

Robert Temple: "The Philosophy of the Fugue".

Tyhembia Jess: "Sam Patterson, Harlem, NY: Dec. 12, 1924".

Stanley Cavell: “Appropriating” seems to have the same stress put on it in relating the individual to the world through the ownership of property as “belief has in relating the individual to the world through the acquisition and power of knowledge.”

Emily Dickinson: “After great pain, a formal feeling comes –
The Nerves sit ceremonious, like Tombs –
The stiff Heart questions ‘was it He, that bore,’
And ‘Yesterday, or Centuries before’?”

Aaron Copland: "A Modernist Defends Modern Music".

On Mary Ruefle's "Why I Am Not A Good Kisser."

1

I remember—I must have been eight or nine—wandering out to the ungrassed backyard of our newly constructed suburban house and seeing that the earth was dry and cracked in irregular squares and other shapes and I felt I was looking at a map and I was completely overcome by this description, my first experience of making a metaphor, and I felt weird and shaky and went inside and wrote it down: the cracked earth is a map.

- Mary Ruefle, “I Remember, I Remember”

Speaking of maps, memory, and Mary Ruefle, I keep coming back to this one, to this poem which resembles an aerial map of a brain mid-kiss.

Ruefle opens "Why I Am Not a Good Kisser" with a list of reasons – a brainstorm of images and explications, excuses and sidelong glances . One can feel the gaze moving from the window to settle on the little black dog as the speaker marvels at how the mind impinges on the duties of being present–or resting in the sublime transport of the kiss.

The poem occurs in the key of self-conscious reflexivity, or the inability to completely inhabit the flesh and sucuumb to the erotic moment. Eros wants us completely, not half-heartedly. Ruefle plays with the idea of a successful kiss as tied to the good kisser, the one who stops thinking about things. Enjambment is everything here:

& at once it strikes me what quality goes to form
A Good Kisser, especially at this moment, & which you
Possess so enormously — I mean when a man is capable
Of being in uncertainties, Mysteries & doubts without me 

It could end there. It could end in the panic of not being enough for him. But the line continues, it drags on like a rubbed worrystone, delivering new ways of stating the same thing:

I am dreadfully afraid he will slip away
While my kiss is trying to think what to do.

I love this poem because it doesn’t know what to do with itself, and the speaker stands outside of the erotic moment to survey herself like a statue within it. The poem immortalizes the awkward, disconnected kiss. It destabilizes romantic expectations and runs off “into the mouth like a velvet movie theatre.”

What is the person thinking as we kiss them? What if the feeling of connection isn’t just illusory but an actual illusion? We assume a poem-worthy kiss would be monumental —- but this one isn’t. Ruefle defies even the shared excitation of kissing, or that space carved out by mutual desire acting in tandem, trying to meet between teeth.

Erotic excitation can be contagious. We drive faster when our hearts are racing with desire for the person in the seat next to us —- and our speed increases the pulse of the object of desire. We’ve known that suspense and fear have similar effects on the body as lust since the ancients. Erasistratus, a Greek anatomist who served as royal physician to Seleucus I Nicator of Syria, was the first to discover that love and pulse throb in unison. This poem refuses unison. Instead, it’s almost as if the speaker offers an aside, or a soliloquy, mid-kiss.

“The Kiss” as it appears on exhibit in the Tate Museum.

2

I saw Rodin’s sculpture, “The Kiss'“, while wandering through Paris with the first man whose name I imagined tattooed under my eyelids. The kiss I saw sat in a room filled with windows and sunlight; the stone shaped by the motion of shadows across the room. I remember noticing how the shadow of a windowpane ran across my sandal and then climbed up the kiss’ back.

According to the original 13th Century story, Francesca and Paolo fell for one another as they sat reading tales of courtly love. When Francesca’s husband, who was also Paolo’s brother, discovered them, he stabbed them to death. Rodin decided to depict the lovers at the moment of their first kiss. Look closely, and you can see the book slipping from the man’s left hand.

- Alastair Sooke

According to the Musee Rodin, where this statue is permanently housed: “The Kiss originally represented Paolo and Francesca, two characters borrowed, once again, from Dante’s Divine Comedy: slain by Francesca’s husband who surprised them as they exchanged their first kiss, the two lovers were condemned to wander eternally through Hell. This group, designed in the early stages of the elaboration of The Gates, was given a prominent position on the lower left door, opposite Ugolino, until 1886, when Rodin decided that this depiction of happiness and sensuality was incongruous with the theme of his vast project.”

Rodin reimagined the group into an independent piece which he exhibited the following year. The public named it. The French government commissioned this larger version in marble, which took Rodin a decade to finish. Of The Kiss as we know it, Rodin called it his “huge knick-knack”, and released it a companion piece to his monument for Balzac, perhaps hoping to borrow the sexiness of one to bolster the radical darkness of the other.

3

Dante met Paolo and Francesca in the second circle of hell. Also housed in Musee Rodin: Iris, Messenger of the Gods. I remember circling it, trying to balance Rodin’s appetite with his aesthetic, or to locate a way in which one formed the other.

4

We can look at Rodin's sculpture, "The Kiss," and write a poem about what each one is actually thinking during this kiss.

We can follow Ruefle, perhaps, by titling it in the negative, and using that as a sort of hint, a new trail into the poetics of kissing.

We can wonder about the kiss that led e. e. cummings to move towards the ending of “non-lecture three” with this:

So ends the second anecdote. You may believe it or not, as you wish. As far as I'm concerned, it's the unbelievable- but also unquestionable-selfportrait of a one hundred and one percent pseudoworld: in which truth has become televisionary, in which goodness means not hurting people, and in which beauty is shoppe. just (or unjust) how any species of authentic individualism could stem from such a collective quagmire, I don't-as always-know; but here are four lines of a p oem which didn't:

(While you and i have lips and voices which
are for kissing and to sing with
who cares if some oneeyed son of a bitch
invents an instrument to measure Spring with?

Dan Beachy-Quick whets the writing appetite.

The itch to write attacks me whenever I read Dan Beachy-Quick. Today, I came across an essay where he says that becoming a poet means accepting the debt of others as one’s own, and working to repay it so that the dead can be freed from their own debts of bondage. The work, here, involves forgetting the poems one has loved in order to be able to write one’s own.

He looks at a psalm, noticing how reading transforms each word from anticipation to memory.

Of Menelaus’ wife, he says: “A cloud is just dirt holding its breath.”

Of Augustine, he says forgetting is an awareness of “absence being present.”

Of betrayal, he says one the poet betrays the poem by desiring “quiet in words” or “silence in music.”

Of Greek verbs, he admires their middle voice as the space “when the verb acts upon itself.”

Beachy-Quick wrote his undergraduate thesis on Czeslaw Milosz and eschatology because he was curious about the end of time as a beginning. “Each memory has its own life,” he says, even though it pretends to be a replay of our own lives. Each memory makes its separate demands of us. I thought of the ghost who demands too much of its host — how this ghost is named a vampire, or one who sucks life from the veins of the living.

I use his essays as prompts. For example, this page which lists “Titles of Forgotten Books” makes me think of Anne Carson’s short lectures, and tiny prose poems that speak obliquely to a subject, leaning into a Dickinsonian slant. One might pick three titles from this list and use them as titles of short lectures, borrowing the form from Carson or Mary Ruefle.

DBQ teaches me to play with etymology continuously, unceasingly, as a monk prays atop a mountain which cannot be the peak of any world. Take a word you love — oracle, shell, carapace— and then do two things to it. Stain it and strain it. The difference between staining a word, where stain is to “tinge with color other than the natural one”, and strain is “to draw tight”, can illuminate how a word bounces inside its modifiers and context. A question to consider during edits, when eyeing a phrase or word: Do I want to stain this word or strain it? Why?

Two translations of Tudor Arghezi.

Because it is Saturday morning, and Arghezi returned yesterday in my readings of Benjamin Fondane. And so here is "Ceasul de apoi" by Tudor Arghezi, which could also be translated as “The Doomsday Clock.”

And here is one more… which feels awkward, which speaks of poverty and failure and carries the undercurrents of a wooden tongue. Arghezi titled it "Flori de mucegai,” which means “flowers of mold,” but one could argue for a translation of the title into “Mold, flowering” or “Mold flowers.”

Ending the first stanza with “it” and beginning the second stanza with this same “it” is very Arghezi, very typical of his elliptical moments and friskiness with pronoun-reference.